Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
