i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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