how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
