In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
