If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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