okay pat passed out under dana's car
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So squirting runs in the family.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
