i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
