She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
