1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
