I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
