So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
