And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am naked and annoyed.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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