I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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