Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
