there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
