I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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