this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it's like heaven, but drunker
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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