Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dicks are not precious.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
