I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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