And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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