I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
