I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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