I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
