I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They took my balls.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
