She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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