Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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