I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
