just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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