Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
