I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
