Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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