my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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