My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
