dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
