You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
