My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
