Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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