Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wish my penis had a tongue
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
