paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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