I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
