I'll bet she douches with gravy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
