He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
