If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
