pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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