A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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