im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
