I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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