Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
