Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
