I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
