My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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