remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
