I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
