I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i think im in europe. pls send help
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
