Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it was like eating out sand paper
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
