I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
