Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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