There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
